If I look back to when Kate was about 17, I remember a girl having unusually severe gynecological issues with bad cramps and irregular periods. I used to think it was sort of like her paternal aunt and all the issues she had plus an ovarian cyst rupture and a more. Kate's medical history was almost a mirror image of what her aunt had to deal with at a similar age. A lot of this we blamed on her regimented, serious dance training schedule. She danced 6 days a week; several hours each day and had done that really since the beginning of high school. She was part of competitive dance teams that competed nationally plus a high school team and studio work. And then there was track in the fall and spring; she liked running distance events. It seemed like a lot of what she liked to do and did exacerbated the problem. She didn't have any surgical procedures until her first year in college. That was the first laproscopic procedure; without family, in Hawaii...a month before college nationals. How do you get though the pain of surgery, endometreosis and ovarian cysts -- opiates. That was the beginning of the serious "legal" drugs. She was always in pain. I remember telling her to be careful with the pain meds; the more you take the harder it becomes to control the pain. Seemingly she was not always taking them; but then I didn't always ask.
Stepping back, I would like to say I wish I would have guided her differently....one day we were sitting in Starbucks at the beginning of her senior year of high school and I brought up college and asked where she wanted to go...it was getting a little late in the game for picking a place. Kate looked at me and started crying and said "I don't think I want to leave...I will miss things...I will miss my bed!" I was sort of dumbfounded...she had, for 2 years talked about of dancing in college and wanted to be a dental hygienist. Staying at home was not an option for that combination. So in that 2 year time we pulled lists of schools that offered both dance team and dental programs, and seemed to have the list narrowed down and she was beginning the application process to some of the schools. So the comments about not really wanting to move were shocking. We then had several more conversations about school and seemed to decide that she would do first and maybe second year at the community college locally. There was a dance team - not the caliber of her current All Star team but still a dance team and I think she saw it as a challenge to help raise the bar a little. Then near the end of her senior year she got a call from her All Star coach telling her one of the universities in Hawaii had two spots come available on their dance team and they offered a full ride scholarship. She encourage Kate and Kate got caught up in the idea. She was accepted from a video try out and seemed really excited to go. She knew several people on the team and a fellow graduate was also accepted for the second spot. Seemed OK. Kate seemed excited. She and I went to Hawaii and spend a couple of weeks before school started and got her set up in her student housing and it seemed ok. Lots of changes however, from living in a small NW town to living in Honolulu with only public transportation and limited funds, plus the newness of college and then being ill. I visited a couple of times and she seemed fine, but I thought a couple of things she did now and then were odd behaviours...nothing I could really put my finger on, but hard drug use was not on my radar. There were a couple of "shock factor" rites of passage like coming home at Christmas with nearly black hair (from the beautifully blonde), a nose piercing and large tattoo (however tastefully done). Leaving to go back after the holiday break was a very emotional event and I didn't think she really wanted to go back...like something wasn't right, perhaps. I didn't know if was just because she had a lot of "fun" over the break with lots of parties and family and alcohol and ??? or if there was something else. Some incidents were discussed relating to drugs that disturbed her. She told me about a fellow dance team remember doing a line of coke in front of her and it seemed so upsetting to her, along with the suspicion that this person stole some things from her. We didn't really talk much about that after the incident so I assumed that she wasn't doing "that sort" of drug. Was Kate drinking? Yes. Did I suspect is was excessive? No. I later found out I was wrong. It was a way of life for some of the team....for Kate...(from a Mom's perspective; reflections)
No comments:
Post a Comment