I have asked myself the question of how I could have missed all the signs. Were there that many signs??? did I just not pay attention??? Nothing really seemed so abnormal with Kate's behavior except she developed some friendships with kids that I had never seen before - or heard their names. This was after she returned home from year one at college. A couple of other things that didn't seem just right while still in Hawaii...she all of a sudden hated the dance program, the coach, Hawaii and didn't want to try out for team. I encouraged her to do so - it was a good scholarship and the initial plan was to stay there for 2 years, get general ed requirements met and then perhaps look for a different school if dental hygiene was still the desired course of study. She seemed angry but said she would. She went to the tryouts and was accepted to the team, but no scholarship for lack of performance. Shocked. This was not really believable because this kid danced well - better than some on the team that got full scholarships. Something wasn't right. I told her I thought she didn't perform well on purpose because she wanted to leave Hawaii. She really didn't deny that. In the meantime she was contacted by another college and decided that was where she wanted to go...Idaho State in Pocatello. Certainly closer, but a long drive all the same. She seemed to get really excited about the opportunity there and there were some scholarship money for her. Done deal. She would go there and they had a great dental hygiene program as well!
While in Hawaii there were some instances of needing money beyond her allowance, but nothing big. One time I questioned a new expensive handbag she was sporting. She said she had gotten the refund from the cable company and used that money for it. I challenged that saying that we had paid that and she should have returned the money to us. "sorry". That word would become grossly overused during the next few years. Then when she returned from Hawaii there was the question of what happened to the deposit for the housing. She swore she didn't get it. A couple of months passed with numerous calls to housing department and finally they sent a copy of the cancelled check which was made out to Kate. She had cashed it. She still denied it. I thought this was incredible; how would you not know that you cashed a $500 check. Are you kidding. No question I asked was answered with a comment that made good sense. I think this is when I first started thinking something is wrong, but what...
She started dating a kid I had never seen or known of. Certainly not from the high school "circle of friends". She was angry a lot; he looked stoned a lot. I commented on that. That made her more angry.
We encouraged her to get a job - which she did. In fact she had a couple of jobs but one ended, seemingly because the other became full time. I know she was having some issues with migraines at this time and missed work from the part time one. Maybe she was just worked off the schedule because there didn't seem like a clear end to that job. She continued to see this same guy and occasionally would stay at this parents. She resented me calling her to see where she was; what was going on. I started looking for drug paraphernalia in the house but didn't find anything.
Then sometime in late July I went into my room to get my wedding ring out of it's box and it wasn't there. That was odd because I didn't remember leaving it out. I had specific places that I put my rings. I looked further and another heirloom platinum ring was missing. I got this empty, gut wrenching feeling in my stomach and felt violated. Someone had taken my rings. I asked her. She denied it. I asked her if her boyfriend had taken them. She got this strange, almost blanched look on her face and said no. I thought she new something, but couldn't prove it. Over the next few weeks, I would go through the jewelry boxes and look again and again for the rings. I felt betrayed. Material things or not; my wedding ring set was meaningful to me and I wanted it. I couldn't pin this on anyone and even started doubting that I had put the rings away. Then I questioned if it were someone else. We did a lot of entertaining over the summer and there were friends around a lot. None of it made sense but I kept going back to the missing deposits, now the rings...And she was working full time....not saving any money to live on for school in the fall. Where did the money she earned go? She partied a lot...the boy friend faded away mid July. In fact I think she had broken things off with him a couple of weeks before I found the rings missing.
During the summer she complained about the abdominal cramping and pain, but didn't seem to be going to the ER's or physician offices, so I assumed it was manageable. She didn't seem to be taking an extraordinary amount of analgesics, so I thought this may have actually improved with the lap she done in Hawaii.
Early in August she moved to southern Idaho. We had bought a little rental house there for her to live in which seemed like a smart financial decision. She loved the house and we had a great time decorating it and setting up her new living space. She seemed really excited to dance there and to go to school there. She seemed happy and motivated. Maybe this was going to be just what she needed.
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